Before the news that I was getting a neck brace, the only one I had
been exposed to was on the comedy sketch show Key and Peele. That was
played for laughs but I thought it look really unpleasant. Little did I
know one was in my future!
I'll explain the process of a halo brace. The idea is that the doctor has determined that time is the best way to heal your fracture. They can't risk the bones shifting around, so need to immobilize them. The only way to guarantee they are immobile is if your neck cannot move relative to the rest of your body. To do this, they have to lock it all in place with the use of two units-- a ring, and a vest.
The ring is screwed into your head in four places. A spot above the eyebrow, and a spot above the ear, on both sides of the noggin. The screws go through the skin, through the spongy tissue surrounding the skull, and then just touch the actual bone of the skull. They need to be tightened every week. I will speak more on the application of the ring later.
The vest doesn't need to be screwed into any body parts, but is still quite hectic in its' own way. It is a hard plastic shell lined with lambs wool, which is apparently the most comfortable material modern medical science could come up with.
The vest is strapped very securely around your torso and locked tight. Because I have such a little torso, the vest on me comes to just above my belly button. It leaves my breasts squashed yet hanging free for some reason-- maybe designed by a guy? But sexy bondage gear this is not.
The vest attaches to the ring by a system of vertical metal rods which altogether holds my head in perfect unison with my upper torso. Thus my neck is protected from moving and I look a little bit like an electric pylon.
Getting the ring attached was the part I was least looking forward to. Mainly because my neighbour had his applied the night before in the bed next to me, and all I could hear was him saying, "F*CK F*CK F*CK JUST STOP FOR A MINUTE F*CK HOLY SHITF*CK STOP IT!". That wasn't intimidating at all.
They had to shave my hair to prepare for the ring. I had done some research (read: up all night reading blogs) about how difficult it was to wash hair with the device on, so I requested to have them go a bit extra with the hair removal. They ended up giving me a mullet, which was actually reasonable given that my doctor was a trained doctor, not hairdresser. Apparently I rocked the new hairstyle but didn't have a lot of time to enjoy it.
Now for the ring application. It was easily the least pleasant part of the whole immobilised, itchy, embarrassing hospital experience. It was done from the comfort of my hospital bed. They gave me something for the pain just prior to starting, and applied some local anaesthetic to the spots the screws were going into.
For all of the advances modern medicine has made, the methodology still feels very Victorian. The application of the ring requires one ring, two doctors, two screwdrivers, and four screws. When the screws started going in, they did feel pinchy. Then they felt... crunchy.
To ensure even pressure, the doctors must do each side at the same time: front-right and back-left, then front-left and back-right. The pressure on the skull is something that drugs can't help and I did wonder if my head was going to pop open like spoilers on the latest season of Game of Thrones. Luckily the skull can take a tremendous amount of pressure. As they applied the final two screws, the pressure equalised and suddenly it wasn't so bad (similar to diving, when the pressure is equal around you, you don't feel it bearing down). All I could feel was a sudden weight in my head and a residual ache.
Unlike my neighbour, I suffered in silence and sweated my way through. The female doctor said that I did really well, and very nicely mopped me up. I'm not sure if I I have a particularly good pain threshold, or the fellow next to me had a particularly bad one... :)
The ring was left on me for the night, and the vest given to me in the morning. After having four screws applied to my skull, the vest was nothing. A bit of tugging, pulling, pushing and pole-ing, and suddenly I was allowed to lie up. Bliss! But it was a strange transition. I felt a bit lost because all of a sudden, there weren't five orderlies appearing every time I needed to do my business, and they expected me to do all my rolling over for myself! I felt abandoned and worried that any movement would cause my head to snap off. It took some time to adjust to the pressure of sitting up, and I was on the verge of puking for about an hour from the lofty heights, but as soon as I stayed up at 90 degrees for a reasonable amount of time, they ordered the X-ray which would confirm if I could stand. Spoiler alert, I could! And once I could get on my feet, nothing was getting in my way to the door!
I'll explain the process of a halo brace. The idea is that the doctor has determined that time is the best way to heal your fracture. They can't risk the bones shifting around, so need to immobilize them. The only way to guarantee they are immobile is if your neck cannot move relative to the rest of your body. To do this, they have to lock it all in place with the use of two units-- a ring, and a vest.
The ring is screwed into your head in four places. A spot above the eyebrow, and a spot above the ear, on both sides of the noggin. The screws go through the skin, through the spongy tissue surrounding the skull, and then just touch the actual bone of the skull. They need to be tightened every week. I will speak more on the application of the ring later.
The vest doesn't need to be screwed into any body parts, but is still quite hectic in its' own way. It is a hard plastic shell lined with lambs wool, which is apparently the most comfortable material modern medical science could come up with.
 |
| Maybe it's just more comfortable on me. |
The vest is strapped very securely around your torso and locked tight. Because I have such a little torso, the vest on me comes to just above my belly button. It leaves my breasts squashed yet hanging free for some reason-- maybe designed by a guy? But sexy bondage gear this is not.
The vest attaches to the ring by a system of vertical metal rods which altogether holds my head in perfect unison with my upper torso. Thus my neck is protected from moving and I look a little bit like an electric pylon.
Getting the ring attached was the part I was least looking forward to. Mainly because my neighbour had his applied the night before in the bed next to me, and all I could hear was him saying, "F*CK F*CK F*CK JUST STOP FOR A MINUTE F*CK HOLY SHITF*CK STOP IT!". That wasn't intimidating at all.
They had to shave my hair to prepare for the ring. I had done some research (read: up all night reading blogs) about how difficult it was to wash hair with the device on, so I requested to have them go a bit extra with the hair removal. They ended up giving me a mullet, which was actually reasonable given that my doctor was a trained doctor, not hairdresser. Apparently I rocked the new hairstyle but didn't have a lot of time to enjoy it.
Now for the ring application. It was easily the least pleasant part of the whole immobilised, itchy, embarrassing hospital experience. It was done from the comfort of my hospital bed. They gave me something for the pain just prior to starting, and applied some local anaesthetic to the spots the screws were going into.
For all of the advances modern medicine has made, the methodology still feels very Victorian. The application of the ring requires one ring, two doctors, two screwdrivers, and four screws. When the screws started going in, they did feel pinchy. Then they felt... crunchy.
To ensure even pressure, the doctors must do each side at the same time: front-right and back-left, then front-left and back-right. The pressure on the skull is something that drugs can't help and I did wonder if my head was going to pop open like spoilers on the latest season of Game of Thrones. Luckily the skull can take a tremendous amount of pressure. As they applied the final two screws, the pressure equalised and suddenly it wasn't so bad (similar to diving, when the pressure is equal around you, you don't feel it bearing down). All I could feel was a sudden weight in my head and a residual ache.
Unlike my neighbour, I suffered in silence and sweated my way through. The female doctor said that I did really well, and very nicely mopped me up. I'm not sure if I I have a particularly good pain threshold, or the fellow next to me had a particularly bad one... :)
The ring was left on me for the night, and the vest given to me in the morning. After having four screws applied to my skull, the vest was nothing. A bit of tugging, pulling, pushing and pole-ing, and suddenly I was allowed to lie up. Bliss! But it was a strange transition. I felt a bit lost because all of a sudden, there weren't five orderlies appearing every time I needed to do my business, and they expected me to do all my rolling over for myself! I felt abandoned and worried that any movement would cause my head to snap off. It took some time to adjust to the pressure of sitting up, and I was on the verge of puking for about an hour from the lofty heights, but as soon as I stayed up at 90 degrees for a reasonable amount of time, they ordered the X-ray which would confirm if I could stand. Spoiler alert, I could! And once I could get on my feet, nothing was getting in my way to the door!
 |
| I'm a beautiful upright angel with a mullet |
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